POTATOES: boil 'em, mash 'em, put 'em in a..

Dill Weed and Mr. Potato Head got together one day in the kitchen for lunch. Mr. PH got all hot and bothered when DW pointed out a new eye that was growing on Mr. PH's knee and exclaimed,

"PH, what the hell man?! How old ARE you?"
"Leave me alone, I'm having yet another long and crumby day."
"At least let me take a look at that eye, old bud-dy."
"No, I like my eyes!" cried PH as he rolled back in horror.

A 3.5 inch paring knife flew in from above and made quick work of Mr. PH's eyes, gouging them out one-by-one. Eyeless and sad, Mr. PH agreed with the insistent voice of the towering knifeman, who said PH could use a cold, cold shower, a quick and uniform dismemberment, and a hot, bubbling 15-20 minute bath.

"At least I will still have my beautiful red skin," Mr. PH ration-alized.

After that ordeal, Mr. PH's brains were moosh. He gave himself up to the holy masher and rather enjoyed the splash of 2 % milk, gob of unsalted butter and shakes of iodized salt and freshly-ground pepper that joined him in the bowl.

If he still had eyes (or a head, for that matter), Mr PH would have cried with joy when he was joined by his old friend, DW.