unbe-lee-vable guacamole

Sorry, had to do it. Anyone else want to be Stone Cold Cliff Lee for Halloween? A Cliff Lee jersey with its sleeves cut off, ice cold stare, confidence for days and maybe a championship ring... the man is solid and a natural-born killer. As a matter of fact, former Philadelphia Phillie pitcher Eddie Waitkus was the inspiration for The Natural's Roy Hobbs, but please NOBODY SHOOT CLIFF LEE!

What hasn't been so solid and trustworthy as Lee has been guacamole. The Avocado Lobby has been creeping out baseball fans this postseason with its nonstop pitch for us to "STOP BEING A PUSSY AND EAT GUACAMOLES!!!"

It is with deep reservation that I share this recipe for all-star guacamole, and as a poormet chef I only reccommend it if you have a cheap source for avocados (I get 2 for $1.50 at the Italian Market). But, here goes:

Unbe-LEE-vable Guacamole: 10 minutes, $4, more servings than you will get from a $4 jar, $.15 each delicious scoop

Ingredients:

• 2 ripe avocados (to speed up ripening, put into a brown paper bag in a warm & dry area)
  
• 1/2 medium onion, diced finely
• 1 large tomato (beefsteak is too rich and unnecessary. Go Roma if they're cheap and use two, or a large store brand variety)
• 1 large clove of garlic
• 1 Tbsp. cilantro (coordinate buying cilantro with making other dishes--Indian food recipe to follow soon-- cilantro is also good to mix in with white rice-- should be $0.75/bunch to $1.00)
  
• 1 jalepeno (only for the heat seekers)
• Juice of 1 lime
• Salt & Peppa
  

Preparation:

1. Poke around the stem of the avocado. If it gives some, you're good. Take a sharp knife, stab the avo, make a lengthwise-360 cut, take out the pit, and scoop out the green gold, dice, and put into your favorite large tupperware.
2. While I'm on the knife subject, buy a 7' Santuko knife. Bed, Bath & Beyond has probably sent a 20% off coupon to your Mom or Dad. Next time you visit, ask about it and buy a Calphalon knife for $15 or less- they may even throw in a 4.5 inch santuko. BB & B honors coupons forever, and the knife will last as long too. The ladies that work there are so nice they might even give you 20% off if you tell them you forgot your coupon at home.
3. Chop up tomato, add to tupperware
4. Mince up garlic, cilantro and Jalepeno (if bold enough- I am not- include seeds), add to tupperware
   
5. Squeeze that lime, add to tupperware
   
6. Add Salt and Peppa (Salt>Peppa)
7. Squish with back end of a spoon to make the guac as smooth as you'd like.
8. Take tupperware into your bathroom. Turn off all of the lights. Stare into what you think is your mirror and say Cliff Lee 3x (Cliff Lee, Cliff Lee, Cliff Lee...)
9. You will know when the guacamole is done.

Seriously though, the avocado lobby is not to be trifled with, and please use this recipe sparingly.
"Phils in 5"- JRoll

-PH